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Post by Pauley Morgan on Jun 23, 2009 20:02:49 GMT -6
Chapter 1
6 April 2007 5:30 pm
As I type this, I know you are upstairs sleeping - my two wonderful boys that I hold so dear. I couldn’t sleep, even with Nicky’s arms around me. Last night’s case was difficult on all of us, but none more so then our youngest, you Greggo.
I know I seemed bitter and uncaring, and maybe more so the past couple weeks then ever in the past, but it was all my way of keeping our secret just that – a secret. Greg, you don’t know how many times I wanted to hold you as the night progressed. I saw the hurt, the pain and the anger as it filled you, because you show all your emotions through your eyes.
Those beautiful brown eyes filled with tears more than once, but I am proud of you. You were the better person in the end, and as long as you know that, then nothing else should matter.
I still cannot believe I have the two of you, you know that, right? Every day I thank whatever higher being there may be for giving you to me. Or was it bringing me to you? No matter the circumstances, we are together. The three of us like the three legs of a tri pod. *chuckles* I never get sappy, or say things like that, but it is true.
Without one of us, the others would fall. I take it as my responsibility to make sure that does not happen. We have been a family for the last five years, and I could not stand to lose either of you now. We survived when you, Nicky, were buried alive, and I will tell you now since I could not bear to then, but as I watched you, I felt my heart breaking.
I love you both equally, but knowing that you were inches from death and were hanging on for Greg and my sakes gave me the last bit of hope.
Greg, it seems as if you have been getting the beating by the power(s) that be, recently. To see you lying on the concrete, half dead, brought me to tears and I had to turn away. You saved a life, even if it did mean accidentally ending another. You are not guilty of anything other than doing what you thought was best in that moment.
I am proud of you for it. Last week was a blow to all of us. If I thought I hated politics before then, I hate them even worse now. I cannot believe the city settled like they did, and it was all about giving the people what they wanted to see, when it came down to it. A cop killed a man. They don’t care why.
All of this leads up to the loving that I showed to both of you this morning at the end of the shift. I wanted you both to know you were loved, and so I loved you. Greg, your skin is still smooth as butter when touched, and Nick, your chest is still as sensitive as ever. It had been too long since I gave you both the attention you deserved, and now you sleep, undoubtedly curled in each others arms, not realizing I have let you rest.
I want you both to know that I would not be here if I did not have you in my life. It hurt to leave you for Massachusetts, but I came back to find you just as I left – happy and full of life.
I start this journal for the three of us to share. In it I hope you will tell everything, knowing that everything you say will be read by your loved ones. We keep no secrets from each other, and we should keep no secrets from ourselves. I love you, my boys.
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Post by Pauley Morgan on Jun 24, 2009 17:34:18 GMT -6
Chapter 2
A/N: Contains graphic sex scene. If you don’t like slash, then you really shouldn’t be reading this.
April 7, 2007 1:06 am
Do you know how quiet this house can get? It was insanely still as I roamed the house after you guys left. I had to put my Manson CD in and turn the stereo up just to get rid of the quiet. Gil, I really wish you hadn’t given me the night off, and right now, I wish my phone would ring, calling me in. But I doubt that is going to happen.
I smiled just now. There is a steady beat in the music, and it reminds me of Nick’s head hitting the head board as I fucked him. Remember that? I think that was about a week ago, and you, Gil, were at some conference or another at UNLV, and Nicky had just walked in from his trip to the gym. God, you guys know what that does to me, so Gil; you can only image how my body reacted.
I had to act on my instincts, and my instinct told me to drag Nick upstairs and tie him to bed – which I did. Dear God my pants are getting tight just thinking about it. Gil, I tortured him or an hour as I licked and nibbled on his hard nipples, slipping my tongue into his belly button.
I love watching the stubborn man squirm and beg for release, but I didn’t let him. As I sucked on Nick’s cock, my fingers played over his chest, making him moan and whimper even more. I was getting close to my own release, so I climbed over him, and kissed him hard.
Gil, you should have been there, but I took care of our Nicky for you. For the first time, I heard him squeal as I entered him, my mouth latched onto his neck. I knew neither of us was going to last long, and I didn’t want it to be just sex, I wanted to fuck.
Nicky smiled at me as I slammed into him, fisting his cock with my hand. It seemed like an eternity that we were like that, but eternity ended. My balls grew tight, and I watched Nick’s face as he came, his eyes scrunched up; his mouth wide open in a silent scream. He clenched around me and triggered my own climax, sending my body soaring into what could only be heaven.
I don’t remember too much after that, ‘cause I think we fell asleep.
Anyway, like I was saying, this house is too damn quiet. I think we should get a dog. Or maybe even a cat. No, a dog, so I can play with him out in the yard. This journal idea was great, Gil. I’m almost sorry that I wrote about the amazing sex Nick and I had, but not quite. After reading this, maybe you’ll be as horny as I am right now.
At least I have my blue dildo upstairs.
This is Greg Sanders signing off – good evening and good night.
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Post by Pauley Morgan on Jul 12, 2009 19:29:28 GMT -6
Chapter 3
9 April 2007 9:00 am
I have no idea what to say. When Gil told me about starting this whole journal thing, I was and still am skeptical. After reading what Greg had to say, I’m not sure how to follow something like that. Remind me to pound you later Greg. The looks Gil gave me after he read that were horrible, but at least I got the benefit of great sex afterward.
Uh, let’s see. As you guys well know, I just got done working a triple shift; there was a double suicide at the Palms. Can you believe that the young couple killed themselves because their parents wouldn’t let them be together? Like you said at the scene Gil, it was a Romeo and Juliet thing.
That case did get me wondering though. Could I kill myself if our relationship was not accepted? Could I make the choice to go with you guys if you decided to check out? I doubt either of you would do so, but it is still nagging at the back of my mind. It scares me still, the thought of killing myself.
Being in that box, there were only two things that kept me from pulling the trigger. I thought about the two of you and love I had for you. Then I kept telling myself that you would find me. And you did. I was so close to the edge, and you found me.
I agree with you though, Gil. We are like the three legs of a tripod. We hold each other up and complete each other. Greg, you are the silly one that keeps us old men on our toes, keeping us laughing and sane. Gil, you are the wise one of us, the voice of reason.
Sometimes you can be a bit too reasonable, but that's who you are. I am not sure what role I play, but I know I have one. I also know that I love being in the middle. After being the baby for so long, it is nice to have a comfortable place in the middle. I love having Gil spooning across my back with Greg in my arms. It makes me feel loved and needed. Its almost like Gil needs me to lean on, and Greg just needs me to hold him.
Who knows, I may just be wrong in all of this. What I do know is that I am tired as hell and still haven’t slept after our Shakespearean suicides. I love you guys, and I am grateful and lucky to have you both.
I’m heading off to join you guys in bed. Night.
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Post by Pauley Morgan on Jul 12, 2009 19:31:04 GMT -6
Chapter 4
April 14, 2007
It’s about time I got a night off work. Okay, so I’m not exactly off, but on call is close enough. It’s just after 2:30 am and the two of you left three hours ago. Greg was right; it is quiet here when you’re by yourself. I never thought I would miss the constant chattering and bantering of you, but I do. The silence is unsettling and it makes me itch to get up and do something.
I got a call from dad just after you left. He still wants me to go back home and leave everything here behind. He can’t understand why I am with the two of you, no matter how many times I tell him that I love you both. He just won’t accept that I am gay and that I am happy here. I’m his only son, and I have disappointed him.
There is no way I could leave either of you. The two of you are now all that I have left now that Cisco made it final. Yeah, he disowned me. I still can’t believe it. Mom got on the line after he stopped talking and cried. I know she still loves me and the rest of my family does too, but I am no longer welcome in the house. No more family gatherings. God, what am I going to do?
I wish you guys were here to hold me. I can’t even call to let you know what happened, so I am just sitting here with my head bent over a leather bound journal. I am beginning to think this was a good idea. It feels better to just talk to a piece of paper that can’t argue back, or can’t nod and say “Go on.” This is like therapy, therapy I know both of you will read, and that scares me a little.
There are still things that I am afraid to say or show to you, and since I can’t do either, I figure why not write it all down. Then maybe we can all get a better understanding of who Nick really is. Heh. I just referred to myself in the third person. Man do I need a drink. Can’t though. I’m on call.
Sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it in the end. We all do at some point, but I think in our line of work, we think it more often than others. We are surrounded by death every day; it has to come back to us some time, right? Sometimes when I am out there in the field, I look at our victim and ask, “why them? Why did they have to go like this?” Many of the vics are young, too young to have even lived life. Who has the right to take that life from them and think they can get away with it?
Most nights, the only thought that keeps me going is knowing that we will catch whoever did it and put them to justice. I think jail is too good for those murders. I think they should go just as their victim did and not give them the benefit of the doubt. But I don’t have a say in that, do I? All I can do is my job and hope I did it right.
This Miniature Killer case has really gotten to me when I think about it. What kind of maniac makes models of crime scenes and then kills his victim? Talk about premeditated murder; I hope this guy gets fried for what he did. Life in prison would be too good for him.
I wish you guys were here. Maybe I will go in, just to help out. I don’t feel like being here alone right now. Or ever.
Nick
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Post by Pauley Morgan on Jul 12, 2009 19:32:55 GMT -6
Chapter 5
WARNING: Talks about the Virginia Tech shootings and is a real tears jerker. SPOILERS for Lab Rats.
April 17, 2007
What kind of person thinks they have the right to take another’s life? I know we deal with murder and murders on a daily basis, but I still cannot get over the fact that people think they have that right. It is all over the news, the tragic deaths of all those at that college. For the first time in years, I cried today for those who died. Gil, Nick, thank you for being there as the tears fell.
I see death all the time, innocent lives as young as infants, but for some reason this event hit me hard. We are nearly an entire continent away, clear across the country, and yet we can feel the loss of those lives. I don’t pray, but I did yesterday, and I have all day today. I haven’t slept a wink; instead I chose to watch CNN, staring at the images of the bodies as they were brought out.
If there really is a God, I hope he knows what he was doing when he let this happen. On another note, I am glad to know that Hodges was able to find a new clue in the Miniature Killer case. I despise how he went around doing it, but I still give the guy kudos for finding it. I cannot believe I just gave props to Hodges. Don’t let him know I said any of that. I think Ecklie should fire the bastard for destroying evidence and for intruding on a case, but there isn’t anything I can do about it. Damn it!
Guys, I love you so much, I’m not sure if you really realize how much you mean to me. You guys are my family, my lovers, and my best friends. If I lost you two, there would not be a tomorrow for me, because I would do anything to be with you.
Man, I’m all sad and stuff tonight, but I can’t help it. I just need to get to work so I can my mind off of everything that has happened over the past couple of days, but first I wouldn’t mind curling back up in bed with you two on either side of me, keeping me safe.
I love you guys.
Greg
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Post by Pauley Morgan on Jul 12, 2009 19:36:35 GMT -6
Chapter 6
April 19, 2007
We have been way too busy lately. I swear, if it weren’t for Ecklie breathing down my neck, telling me every couple hours that I need a day off, I would not be sitting here right now. I want to catch the guy that made the miniatures, and I can’t do that sitting here at the house, now can I?
I can see Nicky’s face right now; you would be shaking your head and telling me that I can’t solve the case if I don’t sleep either. I don’t care to be honest. I get enough sleep in my office. A couple hours and I am fine. Greg, you would be shoving food in my face, mothering me to eat since you know I haven’t eaten in days. I had a bagel this morning after the two of you went to the lab.
There is one good thing about having the day off, though. We haven’t had time for the three of us since I locked myself in the lab last week, so it was nice to wake up with each of you on the side of me. I missed waking up with your hot breath on my chest and hair tickling my nose.
This morning, I was pleasantly surprised with what I got to wake up to. You two were going at each other like a couple of horny rabbits. Before I even opened my eyes, I knew Nicky had Greg pinned to the bed, his lips attached to a nipple. The sounds Greg made were almost like a purr, the tale-tell sign that someone has his nipple in their mouth. I rolled over and opened my eyes, only to prove myself right, as usual. What I didn’t expect was for you two to realize I was awake – I was content just watching as I jerked off. Not that I’m complaining, well, not too much since my shoulder still hurts after that little contortionist act. Anyway, Greg was the first to notice me watching and I barely had time to steel myself before his hot mouth engulfed my (morning?) erection.
I couldn’t even bite my lip before it was pulled into another wet mouth that had to belong to Nick. You still faintly tasted like Greg, and I devoured your mouth, craving more of you. Nicky swallowed my gasp as a finger slid into my opening, another quickly following it, stretching me. A strong hand held my hips down as I tried to buck against Greg’s fingers, urging them deeper, begging for more. It had been too long since you last filled me.
I didn’t even realize my eyes had closed until I opened them to watch as Greg pushed into me with Nicky right behind him. Cupping the back of his head, I kissed Greg hard, the bitterness of my own pre-come on his tongue. It seemed like forever before I felt Greg slide further into me, completely sheathing his self as Nick pressed home behind our youngest.
I forced myself to watch your faces as we made love and the emotions that seemed to fill your eyes; the love, the lust and the complete trust in each other. Just watching as Nicky bit into Greg’s shoulder sent me over the edge as wave after wave of pleasure escaped my body, making me shake.
Greg came next, screaming both mine and Nicky’s names as he emptied himself into me, making me shudder all over again, welcoming his body into my arms when he collapsed, Nick following just seconds later. We all lay there for what just wasn’t long enough. I missed having you in my arms, my boys and the loves of my life.
Now I am just sitting here on the couch, Mozart playing the background as I re-live this morning. If I try hard enough, I can almost feel Nicky leaning against me with Greg between his legs – the same way we sit when watching television together. The house seems so empty without you guys here.
Maybe getting a pet wouldn’t be such a bad idea. We’ll go check the shelters today after you two get off work and see if we can find a cat. No dogs, got it Greg?
I miss you my boys.
Gil
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